I’ve switched to digital journaling this year, but sadly (and unexpectedly), my iPad broke down. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the first quarter of my entries for 2021. I lost the habit a few weeks after, because I felt like there was nothing good to write anyway. Our region (or the “NCR+ bubble”) was placed under a strict lockdown, something we didn’t think (or at this point, hope) would happen again. The last time we were under the “Enhanced Community Quarantine” (ECQ) was exactly a year ago, and back then, we hoped we would be past that phase by now. Sadly, we aren’t, and once again we are stuck at home while waiting for things to pan out. I haven’t gone out in almost a month, hence fueling my laziness to journal.
I started journaling when I was in grade school, then it ended briefly when I went to high school because of the heavy workload. When I went to college, I made an oath to myself to write down my days no matter how mundane, as I was bright-eyed in anticipation of all the wonderful days ahead. It did serve its purpose for a time, but it is kind of hard to keep that oath at times as dark as now, especially when I was expecting that it would be filled by the memories I would make during my magical ✨twenties✨. But nothing good ever comes out these days, so why even bother.
One night, during a “revenge bedtime procrastination” (apparently, that is a thing!) session, I came across another one of the many posts soliciting for leads on where to get oxygen tanks. I just thought that if there is nothing good for me to write about, then why not write about the sad and troubling stuff? Despite our efforts to act like things are normal, things are not. We are in the middle of a pandemic that is ruining and claiming lives, this is definitely not normal. Here are some of the saddening happenings as of now, and it matters to me since public health is my advocacy:
- Hospitals are reaching full capacity. The waiting time is very long; people die in tents, on the way, or while searching for a hospital that would accommodate them; healthcare workers are getting tired and infected, and at times, backlash.
- Hospital supplies are running out, and costs of hospitalization are running people’s financial reserves dry.
- There’s always someone DYING on our Facebook newsfeeds, and at unprecedented rates. I’ve lost count of the number of times I had to give someone my condolences.
- (TW: suicide) People are killing themselves instead of having to face the catastrophic costs of hospitalizations.
On a positive note, one thing I would like to remember is the emergence of various community pantries. While we admire the spirit of bayanihan, we must also call out the systems that force us to have to resort to bayanihan in the first place. This is a terrible symptom of an ailing government leadership and response and a magnification of our healthcare system’s pre-existing weaknesses.
I came across a quote by Pasig City Mayor Vico Sotto’s brother, Mr. LA Mumar, about not skipping the vaccination line despite his privileges: “What will I tell my children?”* Aside from baking or painting, I would like to be able to tell them how it actually was to be in this preventable catastrophe. And this is coming from someone who is part of the lucky ones.
I hope we craft our narratives now so as not to make the same mistakes in the future. Experience has reminded us time and again of our short-term collective memory, and I fear that historical revisionism might be something we could face in the latter part of our lives. Maybe the news is there to speak of the past, but I think these claims would be made stronger when corroborated with the accounts of primary sources who lived throughout the experience, which is us.
I didn’t think it would happen again, but saying “Ingat” has taken on a deeper meaning. I do wish everyone safety.
On a side note, WordPress looks really bad ass now. Having an ecru background to the text above doesn’t really mean anything but aesthetics lol.
ballerinagene 