Everyone looked forward to this Monday because it was the premiere of the last season of the Game of Thrones.
I’m not one to dread Mondays, but this week, I did.
Maybe I craved the iced coffee not to wake me up, but to help bring out the frustrations I’ve been putting off. Cravings… Satisfied? But I feel more tense now than ever.
I easily put a name to this feeling; I was frustrated. Frustrations as to not being where I want to be. Frustrations as to not looking like how I want to look like. Frustrations as to not getting the validation I desired.
I do not even have all the right words. All I know is that I want to cry. I want to drown this emotion in something comfortable. I excused myself and went to the nearest convenience store to buy… biscuits. Maybe it wasn’t evident at the moment, but I wanted something that would remind me of simpler days. I thought about it all weekend. What if I wasn’t really strong enough to chase after the things I want in life? What if I wasn’t really cut out for the dream I gave up so much for?
If there’s one thing I learned to acknowledge in this life, that would be my second thought, saying, “what if it all works out?”
Three hundred-sixty degree turn. The world won’t stop for me. I must keep going.
The afternoon turned out to be better. My office-mates’ banters and jokes made it all worthwhile. I was also entertained by the son of my office-mate. Children do not worry about a lot of things yet, and I wish it stays the same for them.
I left on time now, not forcing myself to be extremely productive. Pushing myself beyond my breaking point doesn’t make sense, I mean… I can be replaced anyway. Just do the work, and I’ll be fine.
I guess it really helped that I got my salary today. Pera lang pala kailangan. Joke! We killed it at CrossFit today even though there were just three of us in class. Someone also celebrated his birthday with us but I was too shy to eat. They insisted that I at least take some barbecue out, which I did because no shame here lol.
There’s just this one quote I remembered in the middle of the afternoon:
“Let love find you doing the things you love.” I’m not really supposed to be anywhere specific right now. I’m doing important work, that’s all that matters. This post wasn’t really meant to be anything but a reminder that a day isn’t over until it is truly over. It’s all good for me now. 🙂
ballerinagene 